Part of the Process

Coming back from China and adjusting to “normal” life in America has been way more difficult than I ever expected. I see everything through new eyes. Things that used to be extremely important to me suddenly no longer are. Friends that I used to hang out with just aren’t any fun anymore. I get irrationally angry. I think that no one understands and never can.

My priorities and life goals have changed, and I have trouble finding a balance.

When I first came back, I was so excited to tell people about what I learned and experienced. I discovered quickly that summing up my time in China is impossible. The way I tell my friends about China is a gradual process that occurs mostly through short anecdotes but also through extended rants about extremely personal and powerful topics.

At other times, I feel that I never want to speak another word ever again about my time in China. Partly because everything I learned is so personal and partly because I feel almost emotionally scarred by many things, I don’t want to be misunderstood by those who I know will never understand.

When I do feel like talking about China, sometimes its fun to tell exciting, adventurous, and ridiculous stories- of which I have many. But I’m extremely thankful for my friends who listen when I talk to them about difficult memories.

I know that all of this is a journey and a process. It’s what I signed up for.