Part of the Process

Coming back from China and adjusting to “normal” life in America has been way more difficult than I ever expected. I see everything through new eyes. Things that used to be extremely important to me suddenly no longer are. Friends that I used to hang out with just aren’t any fun anymore. I get irrationally angry. I think that no one understands and never can.

My priorities and life goals have changed, and I have trouble finding a balance.

When I first came back, I was so excited to tell people about what I learned and experienced. I discovered quickly that summing up my time in China is impossible. The way I tell my friends about China is a gradual process that occurs mostly through short anecdotes but also through extended rants about extremely personal and powerful topics.

At other times, I feel that I never want to speak another word ever again about my time in China. Partly because everything I learned is so personal and partly because I feel almost emotionally scarred by many things, I don’t want to be misunderstood by those who I know will never understand.

When I do feel like talking about China, sometimes its fun to tell exciting, adventurous, and ridiculous stories- of which I have many. But I’m extremely thankful for my friends who listen when I talk to them about difficult memories.

I know that all of this is a journey and a process. It’s what I signed up for.

Normal

Since my American classmates have come, I've realized how much I've gotten used to China without even realizing it. It's actually strange to hang out with them. I had forgotten all about college humor, I forget that I don't have to speak English slowly to them, and I hadn't even realized that some things in China seem strange to them.

They often make fun of me, but I certainly deserve it. I have forgotten many English words and my grammar is unusual. I often word sentences oddly and end up saying something I didn't mean.

I wonder if I'll ever be "normal" again...