Ramadan Wrap Up

Maybe. Maybe it's a wrap up. I just have a lot I could write about, so this "wrap up" might come in installments. We'll see :)

Overall, my experience was wonderful. There wasn't anything that I didn't like about my observance of Ramadan, but there are aspects that I can be critical of.

I love how the focus during Ramadan is on family and friends. The iftar meal each night is a chance for different families to host and be guests of each other. It's really a community celebration, even - and especially - when not done at the mosque. Side note here: I had briefly thought about continuing my experience, but it is truly pointless to observe on one's own. Fasting all day only to eat some cereal by myself at 8:33 at night does not make any sense. The point, again, is community.

I also appreciate the true focus on what Islam means, both globally and to Muslims personally. Contrary to how I perceive that Christian holidays have slowly lost meaning over time, what I saw of Ramadan leads me to believe that it is solely about the religion and the Muslim community. There's no way around it. Muslims are supposed to read the entire Quran during the month, and long sections are read out loud at the mosque each night. No one misses prayers during Ramadan. It's not okay to skip them during this month. There's no room for half-heartedness. And the fact that the strict observance lasts for 30 days solidifies commitment to the religion. It's would be a different matter if it only lasted a week or so. I should also mention charitable giving and helping those in need - part of the reason for fasting, my friend said, is to know what it is like to be hungry and to have true empathy for the poor - and then to do something about it.

My critique of all of this is what I perceive as legalism. I kept thinking things like, "How cruel is it to forbid drinking water! You can't even miss one prayer? Why is it necessary to wake up at 5 a.m. and not simply eat breakfast when you wake up and fast the rest of the day? Why are there so many rules?!?!?" The answer to these questions, though, is that the strict observance keeps Islam true to its roots. My Muslim friends stress that above everything else. The reason for all of the rules and stipulations and strictness is so that Islam does not drastically change over time. (And that is something that I personally struggle with in regard to Christianity - that I believe it has changed into something that was not originally intended.)

And now for a discussion of women and hijab. I think hijab is great. It's not mandatory to wear it. Each woman makes the decision for herself. (Obviously, some countries and cultures have their own rules, but I'm speaking generally.) Some women never "veil." Women who do wear hijab are taught not to look down on those who do not. My friend said to me, in reference to a multitude of subjects like showing feet during prayer and how to place your hands, that each Muslim has his or her own view of what is right or wrong in regard to the smaller details of the religion, and it is what is in the heart that matters. So a woman who does not wear hijab may be a "better" Muslim in her heart than a woman who wears hijab and thinks herself better than others.

And now I'm going to get personal and vulnerable: I said I think hijab is great, and I don't just mean that I think hijab is great for Muslim women. I truly, honestly loved every minute of wearing it. I have struggled lately with people's perception of me. I don't struggle with who I am or what I stand for, but rather when people misjudge me or talk down to me because I am different from what is expected in society - that I am introverted or don't drink, as examples - I internally respond negatively to those people (which I know is the wrong attitude). When I was wearing hijab, however, I did not feel those same perceptions. To put it another way, when I wore hijab, I was perceived in the way that I wish to be perceived. I felt respected. I felt like I did not have to explain who I am. Head coverings are not just a Muslim expression, and I think it's important to consider that. I felt protected wearing hijab. I did not receive any catcalls from men in cars, as is wont to happen on the east side of town. No one was rude to me, as sometimes inexplicably happens on the bus. Instead, children smiled and waved at me. Adults gave me the sweetest, most touching looks, and I felt tenderness emanating from them. I feel that I radiated a positive attitude and a sense of peace. The world would be a better place if that persisted everywhere, would it not?

Even though I didn't fast today, I wore a loose scarf over my head to the grocery store. Note: Hijab is different from just tying a scarf; Hijab covers the hair and hides the neck, which I felt was bothersome and restrictive. Plus, you have to pin it, which is just a pain. So what I wore today showed my hairline and was very loose and drape-y around my neck. Anyhow. I think that covering my head is an expression of who I am. Some people have unique hairstyles or wear bright colors or have painted nails or a tattoo or piercings or a particular style of dress or a certain car or house... the list could go on. Wearing a head covering has nothing to do with religion. People wear hats and headbands, or artistically tie scarves on their heads all the time. I have never felt more myself than when covering my head.

And I'm not sure what to do about that.

A relaxing iftar

Last night I went to my friend's apartment for the evening sunset meal (iftar) for Ramadan. She is an American Muslim and is engaged to a Palestinian man. Their two mutual friends were there - another Palestinian guy and an American Catholic who is fasting with his friends for the entire month.

My friend had spent all day cooking: A baked whole chicken, roasted lamb with chickpeas, russet potatoes, green beans, basmati rice, watermelon, and a wonderful spinach salad. I brought some mocha brownies and ice cream for dessert, and there was also turtle cheesecake, almond cake, and white chocolate mocha trifle. Wow. I tried to rationalize my gluttony with, "I haven't eaten ALL DAY...!" Ha.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We initially broke the fast at exactly 8:33 with dates and water. The evening was much more relaxed than the previous night at the mosque. In fact, after the dates and water we immediately filled our plates with the meal and didn't pray until the very last minute. I think we were actually a little late...

(There is a start time for each of the five prayers, and you have until the next prayer time to do that prayer. So 8:33 p.m. is when you can start the sundown prayer, and you have until around 10:00 p.m. to complete that prayer. At about 10:00 is another prayer, so you have until the next morning around 5:00 a.m. to do that one. Make sense?)

After the meal we talked, watched parts of movies and got seconds of dessert. Since my friend and I were the only women, I felt a little awkward hanging out with just the guys, so I convinced my friend to let me help her clean up!

She and I did the sundown prayer in her room together, and then the guys (except the Catholic) did theirs alone in her study room. Then, since we had run up into the 10:00 p.m. one, we all did that one together in the same room.

After the prayer we had some homemade spiced chai and talked until after midnight. The conversation was about what is and is not haram, or impermissible, in Islam. It was more of a philosophical debate, and it was very interesting. Some topics included dating and marrying non-Muslims and whether it matters whether it's a male or female who is the Muslim and whether smoking cigarettes and/or smoking hookah are okay (conclusion: Okay! We used the hookah pipe last night, haha!). Then the conversation moved to the subject of jin which are a separate creation from humans but are not demons - this topic got really creepy, and we merged it with stories about scary dreams we've had, and shadow people, yikes! We also talked about evolution, including mutations, adaptations, micro-evolution, and Judeo-Christian vs. Muslim beliefs on the subject. Whew!

Another reason I felt the iftar was really relaxed is because my friend wore a loose hijab. When women are with family and close friends, they don't have to be as strict as in public. She had a thin scarf draped over her head without pinning it, and it flowed beautifully around her face. I still kept mine pinned closely because I didn't want to mess with it, take out the pins, etc. Plus, I really didn't know these people that well. Honestly, I was not concerned with my appearance!

It was great to just hang out with young Muslims from all different backgrounds. I understand much better what it's like for them to be in America and to be misunderstood. When my friend hears someone say something awful like, "Muslims just need to go back to where they came from!" she can only laugh it off because she is FROM here. And the Palestinians? "If we had somewhere to go, we would be there."

Muslims are people just like you and me. They come from all different backgrounds. Even devout Muslims who pray five times per day and fast during the month of Ramadan live normal lives, hanging out with friends, watching movies, doing hookah, eating way too much dessert...

I'm glad I got to participate in both a proper iftar at the mosque, and a casual iftar at my friend's place. As for my two days of fasting, it really wasn't that big of a challenge, although it was fabulous to wake up this morning at a normal hour for breakfast :)

Mid-day update

This morning felt a little unreal because of all the waking, then sleeping, then waking, etc. Fasting and wearing hijab have been uneventful. I think my level of self control and discipline on a daily basis are extremely high, so the most difficult part of my experience so far has been keeping focus on why I'm doing this.

I don't really care what people think of me or how they perceive me. Other than my coworkers, I haven't come into contact with anyone else I know. There have just been some double-takes in the hallway, like the maintenance guy I always say hello to.

The point isn't to look different or to stand out, but rather to learn and to help me focus on what should be important to me. And let me tell you how wonderful it is to walk down the street and know that people are not judging me based on appearance. Let's be real - whenever you see a person, you automatically put them in a category: good-looking or not. Today, I feel like people are looking at me and saying, "She's probably a nice person." Which creates its own problem in my mind, because I don't know if they're right. But at least they aren't checking me out.

I'm trying to be a nice person. It's something that I honestly have not been too concerned with lately. Living alone and pursuing a career can make you selfish... but at the same time, I guess I'm the only one who truly sees it. Look at how much I'm learning already today.

Tonight I'm going to the mosque, and I will definitely be writing about the following: the atmosphere, what food we break the fast with (I have no idea what it will be), and reflection on the day.

Do you have any questions or thoughts? Please share.

Preparing for a day of Ramadan

I’m going to be observing one day of Ramadan with a Muslim friend tomorrow. Ramadan is a month-long period of fasting during daylight hours, and this year it falls during August.

When I went to (a Christian) high school, we often discussed Ramadan, and Islam for that matter. I used to think Ramadan was a sham because you can totally eat and drink before sunrise and after sundown. Cheating. Lame. Foot in mouth.

I should also remind my readers that when I was in high school, Ramadan fell during the winter. Much shorter day!

But it’s still not going to be easy.

Tomorrow I’m going to be waking up at 5:00 a.m. to make and eat breakfast – probably something like oatmeal! Since I’m not a Muslim and don’t know Arabic, I’m not going to actually do the Fajr prayer at 5:15 a.m., but I will at that time meditate on what Islam means.

Then I will go back to sleep.

At 6:38 a.m. is the sunrise prayer.

After this, I will probably go back to sleep until 8:00, even though I usually wake up at 6:15 to go for a walk/run and do things around the apartment before work. But tomorrow, I don’t want to be tempted to eat before work at 9:00.

I’m going to be wearing hijab, or a head covering, as well as fasting. The Ramadan practice is to obviously not eat anything, but also to not drink. Water is acceptable only if absolutely necessary and if done in private.

I let my coworkers know about the hijab, because wouldn’t that be awkward if I hadn’t said a thing? I think they probably wouldn’t recognize me at first, and then I’d have a ton of explaining to do all at once. I really don’t want any attention tomorrow.

I sent a brief email to all 12 or so of my coworkers this afternoon, and everyone has been very supportive – not that I expected any differently. What I’m doing is really not that big of a deal, anyway… but seriously, I had to at least mention that/why I’m going to look different tomorrow.

Anyway, the next prayer time after 6:38 a.m. is 1:38 p.m. Since I’m not taking a lunch break, I’ll take a moment to meditate again and reflect on the day and what Islam means to me.

In the evening, after a nap at home, I’m going with my friend to the mosque – the same one I went to earlier this year. The 8:37 p.m. Maghrib prayer is when the sun goes down, so afterward everyone eats together, and then sticks around for the 10:02 p.m. Isha prayer, the fifth and final one of the day.

Now the big question is: Why am I doing this?

First of all, I was invited to the evening at the mosque, which I immediately accepted. And then I thought it would be hypocritical and rude if I didn’t fast all day. More importantly, I just want to. Islam – cultural Islam in particular – has really played a huge role in my life the past few years. Out of respect for my friends and what they have brought to my life, I am observing one day of Ramadan. I want to dig deeper into who I am, what I stand for, and how Islam has impacted how I view the world. I have a great respect for the religion and my Muslim friends.

Pegged as an Outsider

In reference to my previous post about wearing hijab to the mosque, I found myself on the opposite side of a situation that I initiate all the time – It’s me who is usually the one who awkwardly asks people where they’re from.

Example: At the Asian festival in Columbus, I spoke with a woman at a stall selling traditional Chinese art. I could tell by her accent that she was probably from Beijing, or at least northern China. I told her I was interested in the Chinese paper cuttings, and that I had lived in Lanzhou, Gansu. We chatted about western China for a while, and then that dreaded moment came.

“Where are you from?”

“Michigan.”

“Welcome to Ohio!” I said, and left it at that.

I find myself in this situation all the time, and I know that it’s me who is at fault. I’m genuinely curious about other languages and cultures - I’m not judging people for having an accent or different customs. But citizenship, nationality, and identity are touchy subjects for most people.

Another example: I met a woman from Uzbekistan a few weeks ago. When I first asked where she was from, her answer was "Well, I was born in Asia, then my family moved to Russia, and now I live in Cincinnati." We had been talking for about 10 minutes when I realized she must be from Kyrgyzstan or Uzbekistan, so I asked, "Which Asian country were you born in?" She was so surprised that I was familiar with her country!

So my turn came at Masjid Noor, a mosque in Dublin. I was washing my hands in the bathroom when a teenager smiled at me in the mirror. I smiled back and said hi.

“Where are you from?” she asked me.

I was completely caught off guard, not only by the words of her question, but by her unspoken assumption that I was different.

“I’m from Columbus.”

“Oh, cool. Did you come with someone today?”

“Yeah, I came with my friend. We work together.”

Being on the other side helps me to understand better. It made wonder what reasons the girl had for (correctly) guessing that I didn’t quite belong. But at the same time, I recognized her interest in me and my story for how I ended up at the conference at Masjid Noor. And then she hit me with this one:

“You look really beautiful in hijab.”

The First Time I Wore Hijab

I can tell a good friend by how she suggests we spend time together. I got this text at work yesterday:

“I’m going to a conference tonight at Masjid Noor and was wondering if you’d like to come. There’s going to be some really great speakers. Let me know.”

Movies, a bar, shopping… not so much. A conference? On Islam? Heck yes. Friends for life.

“So I wanted to let you know, in case you were wondering, that you do not need to cover your hair at the Masjid. You can if you’d like, but it’s your decision, and totally ok if you don’t want to : )”

She came over after work and we ate portabella mushroom salad, and then I put on hijab. It was so normal, and that’s what I’m writing about. I put it on and walked out the door. We went to the bank and chatted with a woman at the ATM. I don’t even think she noticed my head covering. So normal. We drove to the mosque. All the women were in hijab, so of course it was normal. We did salat. So normal. We listened to a speaker. We did salat again, because it was that time. Another speaker. And salat. And a speaker. Beautiful.

Have you ever learned so much in one evening, yet you feel like you knew it all along?