Filial Piety (孝)

Say what? That's right, there is a common Chinese word for a concept we Americans never really talk about in the same way. My Chinese-English dictionary translates Xiao4 孝 as "filial piety," but you might want to check your English-English dictionary on that one (link provided, you're welcome).

The New York Times has an article about the Chinese government proposing legislation to enforce this concept of xiao 孝, or familial duty. In effect, the legislation would accept lawsuits filed against adult children who cause their parents to feel forgotten.

I'm not even going to discuss the collapse of social security and how it might be a good idea for the younger generation to take care of their elderly parents... Instead, let's talk about this in different terms: human rights.

Which country is having human rights issues? Can we talk about the neglect of American elderly for just a moment, please?

For work this fall I attended a Judicial College Summit on Aging seminar that served to teach and prepare members of the Ohio judiciary about the aging population and its affect on courts, laws, etc. I was emotionally scarred by a graphic video about a 93-year-old Ohio woman who was raped by her 40-year-old grandson. He also regularly verbally abused her and stole her money, but those horrific actions almost don't seem worth mentioning in comparison.

In the Times article, the international director of the Gerontological Society of China is quoted as calling the proposed Chinese legislation a "really nice move." First of all, I'm wondering if that was awkwardly translated from Chinese, but more importantly, I agree with the director. Maybe it's not the government's role to step in in this way, but it's still an awesome idea.

Since spending time in China, I definitely feel more of a duty to my parents.

I have a friend from Beijing whose parents have given up everything for her, for her education, and for her future. My friend has studied in the U.S., in Canada, and is again abroad for grad school. Two years ago I asked her how it makes her feel that her parents do so much for her.

"I feel really indebted to them. I feel like I don't deserve it. But then I remember that I'm their only child, and I have a chance to give back to them. They have worked so hard for me, and one day I will have a great job so that I can take care of them when they are old. It's a give-and-take, and right now it's take."

In Central Asia, it's the duty of the youngest son to live with his parents for the rest of his life. So when he gets married, the youngest son and his wife live with the parents and grandparents in one huge, happy family. That's the way it's supposed to be, I think (not necessarily the part about it having to be the youngest son...).

As an adult, I have a better perspective on how much my parents did and do for me. But seeing xiao 孝 lived out in Asia has shown me how to respond to those feelings of appreciation. It doesn't count if you don't act on it. Saying "thank you" doesn't really mean that much.

Besides feeding me, clothing me, and giving me a private school education, besides putting up with my bratty teenage years, they taught me the most important thing: how to learn. I remember my mom teaching me to read before I was three years old. I remember my dad explaining the concepts of addition and subtraction to me before I went to Kindergarten. Going to the doctor was a biology lesson, and dominating the summer reading program at the library was the best part of summer.

So, while there is no law that I have to take care of them when they are old, my parents can count on that happening. So, mom and dad, please don't be mad if I spend the years in between living abroad...