Expectations

I will leave for China in less than three weeks, but I’m not feeling anxious yet. Maybe it's because I’m keeping busy. Or maybe it’s because I have no idea what to expect. No idea at all. I don’t know where I’m living or what classes I’m taking or anything about what studying abroad will be like. You probably know as well as I do.

And I don’t know the language. I’m trying to learn as much as I can, but the way I’m feeling now is that no matter how much I learn before I leave, I will still be unable to communicate with anyone who does not speak English. Don’t get me wrong; I’m definitely going to try to speak as much Chinese as I can. But really, what’s all this studying going to amount to? I know how to say “the boy” “seven cats” “she has short hair” “the man dances” and hundreds of other useless words and phrases. I want to work on more practical Chinese, such as “bathroom” “taxi” “bottled water.” It has taken me hours and hours to learn what little I know now. I feel like I’m wasting my time because once I’m immersed in the language I’ll pick it up much faster than here in America. But I’ll keep pressing on…

It’s strange to think that in a matter of days, I will be on a plane to China. For six months I will be in a foreign country missing my train, eating endangered animals, failing classes because I don’t understand the language, taking cold showers once a week and getting food poisoning, while the lives of the people that I know and love will be going on just as before. Not that my friends and family won’t grow and develop in their own ways, but how will I fit back in when I come home?

Instead of worrying about the future, I’m going to enjoy each day and commit everything that happens in these last few weeks to memory. If you find me staring at you or laughing for no reason, I’m probably thinking about how much you mean to me.